Siddhartha by Herman Hesse

This gripping novel by Herman Hesse is the account of an Indian man and his quest from childhood to discover the secrets of life and what his purpose is. Siddhartha, as I quickly discovered, is an excellent Bildungsroman piece of literature. For those who aren't versed in technical terms of literature, Bildungsroman is considered a story is which the character "comes of age". It is a story in which the character goes through significant transformations as the plot progresses. This idea of "coming of age" or Bildungsroman is what inspires the title of this very blog. For I am seeking transformation or a "coming of age" and the plot is my life.

Back to Siddhartha.

The story is based on the experiences of this intelligent and wise character as he wanders through life attempting to escape his very own ego. An ego that Siddhartha considers is the reality of torment in our lives. Hesse pens this dialogue " What is meditation? What is abandonement of the body? What is fasting? What is holding of breath? It is the flight from the ego, it is the brief breakout from the torture of ego, it is a brief numbing of pain and of the senselessness of life." This notion that ego is pain and the idea of escaping ego led me to the realization that this constant pursuit from the ego leads people to so many addictions. As a Scott Peck the author of the bestselling book The Road Less Traveled writes "An addiction is anything an individual routinely uses to escape reality". This escape transpires in detrimental addictions such as alcoholism and drug addictions. Though these are two of the most extreme examples of an ego escape they have become almost normalized in some social circles. Now some argue that they binge drink and use drugs recreationally but I believe that at the heart of it there is a pain that drives an escape from reality. The problem with such escapes is that sobriety always creeps back in and the high always ends leaving one suffocated by an even more painful reality and ego. Personally I feel as though there is no need for such destructive addictions to escape an ego. Instead of trying to escape an ego I find myself like Siddhartha in the realization that it is impossible to escape so instead I embrace it. Because of certain religious beliefs I hold, I find my reality far more than senseless. My life has purpose therefore my ego has hope. This hope drives me forward. Without such hope I would find myself like Siddhartha in a constant search for escape.

Skipping most of the story now (after all you might just want to read it for yourself). I find Siddhartha at the end of his life. He has traveled throughout the countryside of India and met many people. He became rich and lost it all, he lost focus and regained focus on what his mission was. In the end he comes to one final realization. Telling his friend this Siddhartha says "All I care about is to be able love the world, not to despise it, not to hate it or myself, to be able to view it and myself and all beings with love and admiration and awe". For Siddhartha he finally realizes that the world is not a place to escape but embrace. He spent most of his life seeking one thing, Nirvana, only to miss so much in life that was amazing. How many times in my own life have I been after one thing that I forget to love and admire what is around me? Too many times I believe. For even one minute of forgetting or ignoring how amazing our world is and the people in it, that is one minute lost in menial distractions.

The Stranger by Albert Camus

I just finished my first book of the summer. A rather short read by Albert Camus entitled The Stranger. The book is the story of a young French man who through a series of events is sentenced to death by decapitation. The story builds and builds and the last couple pages is the man's reflection on life through the dialogue with a prison chaplain.

Camus writes
"From the dark horizon of my future a sort of slow, persistent breeze had been blowing toward me, all my life long, from the years that were to come. And on its way that breeze had leveled out all the ideas that people tried to foist on me...What difference could they make to me, the deaths of others, or a mother's love, or his God; or the way man decides to live, the fate he thinks he chooses, since one and the same fate was bound to "choose" not only me but thousands of millions of privileged people... Every man alive was privileged...All alike would be condemned to die one day..."

I had to read the ending a couple of times before I could finally settle on the most important part. This man has come to realize that he has confronted and achieved the greatest dilemma of mankind: accepting death as the ultimate ending. After such a realization the man feels that he has become somewhat free of whatever man can punish him with because to him life will end anyway so why does it matter when.

I found this argument somewhat depressing to say the least but I must disagree with the man's logic on life and death. Personally I feel it does matter when I die because that will have an incredible impact on what I achieve in my life. The man in the novel was an atheist which explained why he didn't regard the timing of death with the utmost importance. For me I believe that I am here for a purpose. A purpose that involves a God and my fellow man. If I die tomorrow I may not serve my purpose. If I die 60 years from now after living of life of purpose I would feel content to die. The greatest shame for me would be to die 65 years from now achieving nothing and leaving behind no remnants of a purposeful life. Every man, in the end, dies. Which makes the occurrence of death commonplace for all. What becomes unique about every man is how they live. To live with a purpose is the cause of refutation of Camus's theme. I have accepted one day I will die but what I refuse to accept is that I should stop caring now for the end will come eventually: that mentality is hopeless and bleak.

In The Beginning

Summer is here. Wow. The next 12 weeks of my life have nothing planned and I don't know what to do. Isn't it weird that when you have so much freedom you don't know what you do? Its almost like freedom itself is a prison. We all desire freedom to make our own choices and schedule our lives according to our personal preferences but once we are free we don't know how to manage the lack of obligations. Well this summer I know one thing that I will accomplish...I have a list of 10 "enlightening" books that I will finish and comment on. This endeavor is my first attempt to truly figure out who "Me" is and what I believe and what I don't. There is no book reports or homework assignments that are forcing me to read this literature it is simply a desire. So here we go.